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Area Man Unsure Whether Drastic Action Necessary Against Golgamor, Eater of Worlds

Global warming
And to be honest, the US isn't even the biggest contributor to the problem. Golgamor is.

WASHINGTON, DC — Area man Mike Jacobson pondered aloud the necessity of drastic action in his home office yesterday, as the monstrous shadow of Golgamor, Eater of Worlds, Bringer of Death, Crusher of a Thousand Stars, began to eclipse the sun. 

As the ground began to quake with the footsteps of the primordial superbeing now exhumed from His resting place beneath the sands of time, Jacobson wondered whether it was worth the risk to pursue an extreme plan of action.

“I mean, let’s not rush into this,” he said, as the Ancient One continued to annihilate buildings and pedestrians on the street behind him.  

“When it comes down to it, I think the forces of the free market and human ingenuity are what’s best equipped to handle the situation,” Jacobson continued, shouting over the deafening roar of Golgamor swallowing the entire Atlantic Ocean. “Humans are the ultimate adapters, and I’m sure we’ll find a way through this, like we always do.”

"The way I see it, the only logical thing to do is to continue to place our faith in the systems which have already been handling the situation up to this point," he went on, drawing the blinds to avoid being vaporized by the beams of energy radiating from the ancient God.  "And to be honest, why should we be alone in this? I mean, if China isn't willing to do its part, I don't see any reason we should be either."

At press time, Jacobson was questioning if the science was “really settled” regarding Golgamor, adding that the legions of the dead being called up from massive glowing runes in the pavement by His inhuman bellow could easily be part of Earth’s “natural cycles. 

© 2019