Dear Members of the Harvard Community:

Throughout my years as President of Harvard University, I have always tried to remain perceptive of the problems and circumstances that the undergraduate student body faces. In order to immerse myself more fully in the experience of a Harvard undergraduate, I decided to dine with members of our undergraduate community in the Lowell Dining Hall yesterday for breakfast. It was there that I had the opportunity to eat some of our Lucky Charms replacement cereal, "Marshmallow Mateys," and after some consideration, I have come to the conclusion that holy fucking shit guys, it is actually the greatest fucking cereal ever.

When I was young, I used to pour myself a bowl of Lucky Charms each morning, and I would just pick out the cardboard-tasting marshmallows and pretend I was having fun. With Marshmallow Mateys, not only are the marshmallows on point, but the cereal bits perfectly complement them, making each bite an ode to what cereal should taste like. Who’s having fun now, leprechaun?

In response to this new information, I have ordered an emergency removal of all of the other inferior off-brand cereals we used to offer, whose quality does not even begin to compare to that of Marshmallow Mateys. We will also consider removing other HUDS services if Marshmallow Mateys prove enough to satisfy us at all meals.

Yo-ho-ho,

Drew Faust