Q:   I can’t figure out how to tell my parents I don’t want to come home for Christmas.  I love my family, but  they drive me crazy when we’re all together!  What should I do?

A:  Yes, yes, Tom got into the Owl!  I know, I know!  I’m so happy for him.  No, he doesn’t know yet: he’s still sleeping!  He sleeps so late, like, he’ll fall asleep in his three o’ clock section.   No, I’m not sure what he has to do for inductions, but I hope it's nothing too crazy.  We have a date event next Thursday, and I just got a new – yes, the one that you were there for.   Do you and Nick want to come? 

Q:  I need to study abroad, but I feel like I’m abandoning my roommate who’s really struggling right now.  I don’t want to feel guilty all my life, but I can’t live for someone else!  Please advise. 

 A: Let’s do that one!  It’s in April.  Do you want to drive?  Yeah, you can just say that there was like a family emergency and leave on Wednesday and that was you can stay for like five days.  Umm, it’s like dubstep, but it’s not so crazy.  Like, you can still talk to people while the music’s playing,  Shut up!  You hooked up with a Cali boy last time, so we’re even.

Q:  Everything is a competition here – how can I find noncompetitive but enjoyable activities?  I just don’t want to burn out.

 A:  I have TWO sections today. I hate Mondays.   No, I have LS1A on Wednesdays.  I just haven’t had time to get any of the readings done,   I’m so scared.   No, like, I know I’ll be fine, but my TF hates me because he thinks I’m like never paying attention.  And last week I had to leave 15 minutes early because Kasey’s sister was locked out of the room, because she was visiting from UPenn.   Honestly, I’m still kind of mad at Kasey – keep track of your sister!  Not that hard, Kasey.  Wait, is this a guest lecturer?