SatireV

Breaking

and entering

OK Zoomer

Sit Back and Listen To Me Chew Directly Into Your Ears, You Powerless Worm

Well, well, well. We meet again. It’s our usual place. Maybe, a Gened section? Or, a group project meeting? Really, anywhere over Zoom. Things are just getting started, and everyone looks happy and content. And then. I strike. 

Area Professor Addresses Elephant in the Zoom

Indeed, an elephant in the zoom

CAMBRIDGE, MA  — A Math 21 professor was finally forced to address the elephant in the Zoom last Thursday, when the initially adorable interruption almost cost a sophomore his life.

Pre-Orientation Programs Go Virtual, Rename to “Zip, Zap, Zop”

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Following the trend of adding a “Z” to every activity transferred to Zoom, the DSO recently decided to pool their 3 traditional Pre-Orientation programs - FIP, FAP, and FOP - into a one-week virtual game of “Zip, Zap, Zop.”

The drama game is traditionally played in a circle where all participants clap and sequentially point and say "zip, zap, and zop." Adapted to the Pre-Orientation format, each participant will wear a sign indicating which group they belong to and point accordingly.

13 Surefire Ways to Re-Establish Yourself as Section Kid via Zoom

This pandemic sucks! Sure, a bunch of people are dying from a novel, highly infectious virus, but even worse: school’s been moved online! How are you supposed to assert your dominance over your peers during section now?! Not to fear –- simply follow these 13 Surefire Ways to Re-Establish Yourself as Section Kid via Zoom!

  1. Keep your video on, even though it's a 200 person lecture and everyone else's is off. Angle your camera strategically so that it shows off all your high school decathlon medals.