SatireV

Breaking

and entering

horse manure

Local Store Jeff’s Fertilizer Emporium Boards Up Windows

store boarded up with plywood

KENNETT SQUARE, PA — All across the country, stores from Saks Fifth Avenue to Sweetgreen are preparing in advance for citizens to take to the streets after the historic 2020 election. Local store owner Dicky “Jeff” Martin surprised everybody on Tuesday morning when he, too, was spotted boarding up his windows. Jeff is betting that his store, the local Fertilizer Emporium, of which he is the third-generation owner, is going to be one of the prime targets.