SatireV

Breaking

and entering

HarvardKey

Area Student Sends Himself Two-Step Verification Texts to Seem More Popular

CAMBRIDGE, MA--Yesterday at 1:03pm, panic seized socially awkward freshman Jeb Curtis.

A conversation with friends had reached an awkward lull, and as everyone else turned to their phones to read through hundreds of awaiting texts and Snapchats, a forlorn Curtis was left staring blankly into space.

Update: Students Who Don’t Claim HarvardKey Will Slowly Fade Away

Dear Harvard Students, 

Remember to claim your HarvardKey, the new replacement for HUID/PIN, before the end of the academic year. 

To get started, visit Harvard.edu/seriouslyjustclaimyourstupidkeyalready, or else.

Please note, your current HUID/PIN login credentials will soon expire within 30 days, and if you do not claim your HarvardKey, you will slowly begin to disappear.  To avoid any interruption to computer and email access, or your everyday life as you know it as a visible human being, we strongly recommended that you claim your HarvardKey now.