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Winthrop Shuttle Extension To Take Riders Straight To Hell

The Transportation office has already updated the online campus shuttle map to include the location of the Hellmouth

CAMBRIDGE, MA--- This Sunday, the Harvard Office of Transportation And Parking officially launched an initiative to expand shuttle routes to include a “safe, convenient, and reliable” passage to the eternal fires of Hades.

According to M2 administrators, the Winthrop shuttle, which already operates every fortnight under the blood-red moon, was the logical candidate for the route extension.

As the historical site of pagan sacrifice, necromancy, witch hangings, Arbella Ball and Thropstock, Yellowwood Courtyard in Winthrop House, known as “Choronzon’s Cloister” by theologians, has long been considered to be a hotbed of demonic activity.

The Winthrop Shuttle’s new route has improved House Life in more ways than one, opening up a number of new n+1 suites. When asked about this improvement, Gore Hall resident Danny H. Miller (’15) remarked that he “never had a roommate”,  pulling a crisp Mountain Dew out of his industrial-sized mini-fridge.

At press time, the Winthrop Shuttle was silently dematerializing into the side of Standish Hall.

© 2015