12/1/19

Hi Claudine! Here’s the first draft of the Winter Weather Advisory to go out to the students tomorrow. As a former member of the Harvard Advocate, I’ve taken a few tasteful creative liberties to really whet the students’ appetite for the oncoming lack of snow day. Let me know what you think! 

x Leslie 

--------------

To my dearest members of the Faculty of Arts and Sciences community, and to those with whom they cohabitate~

The Faculty of Arts and Sciences of Harvard University has been attentively staring out of their Georgian windows pondering the continued brumal conditions expected to lay waste to our quaint cityscape tonight and continue into the morning commute on the morrow.

The Faculté des Arts et Sciences shall remain ajar on Tuesday, with all engagements to be held as preordained.  However, we will continue to observe the little flits of snow—graceful yet delicate, one of a kind—as they flutter from the heavens and affix themselves—against their will, the poor souls—to the buttresses and steeples of our dear Cambridge, and should any changes be necessary, a communication pamphlet will be fastened to the message board betwixt Canaday and Thayer.  

Though we anticipate remaining ajar, the corporeal wellbeing of our pupils, faculté, and Harvard Advocate Business Board is paramount. We understand that travel may prove a challenge—nay, impossible—come Tuesday. Thus, those among this esteemed community who need alter their itinerary due to perilous peregrination conditions, or simply due to personal circumstances (such as childcare “preoccupations”) should make themselves known to their supervisors by ascending to their roofs and shouting so. 

Should circumstances of a higher Deus warrant an amendment to the aforementioned course of action, I will follow with a secondary epistle first thing upon dawn’s first light and a post on harvard.edu/emergency.

Sincerely,

Leslie A. Kirwan

Future Florida Resident, Shuffleboard Champion, Whispering Willows Retirement Village

Dean for Administration and Finance, Harvard University Faculty of Arts, Letters, and the Natural Sciences

Former Staff Writer, Harvard Advocate

Spring ‘78 Comp Director, Harvard Advocate

“Boozy Brunch” Coordinator, Harvard Advocate

Short-Form Literary Nonfiction Fiction Editor (uncredited), Harvard Advocate

Spring ‘77 Accepted Comper (put to recount), Harvard Advocate

Autumn ‘76 Rejected Comper, Harvard Advocate

Spring ‘76 Rejected Comper, Harvard Advocate

Your Favorite Weatherwoman, Always <3