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NSA Searches College Email Accounts, Resident Deans Unimpressed

A visual approximation of Dean Stokes-Rees, as she deals with the boredom of having her privacy brutally stripped away from her.
Cambridge, MA- The Washington Post revealed yet another instance of email-tapping by the NSA on Monday--this time, of Harvard Resident Deans and other administrators. Upon finding out the news, however, Harvard officials remained starkly unimpressed.
"It's like 'whatever' at this point," said Leverett Resident Dean Lauren Brandt, via an NSA-read exclusive email conversation with Satire V. 
After bearing the brunt of the email searches pertaining to the cheating scandal earlier this year, Resident Deans especially seemed all-too-familiar with having their personal messages read by others. 
NSA security agents, reportedly, performed the searches to find the one secret any "big brother" wants to find--admissions tricks on how to get their younger siblings or children into Harvard. After pointlessly sifting through pages of academic advising emails from that one insecure girl in F entryway, they hacked common app instead.
"Search my emails once, you resign, search it twice, you're the government. It's all the same game," said Cabot Resident Dean Emily Stokes-Rees.
According to officials, the government does not plan on resigning any time soon.
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