CAMBRIDGE, MA--In a move that has reaffirmed many observers' faith in the youth of America, Noah Layne '18 of Quincy House has heroically mobilized hundreds of his fellow undergraduates in a direct action to protest Harvard University Dining Services' recurring use of tortellini in its Tomato Basil Ravioli soup, a glorious crusade for justice that many have compared to farm workers' quests for normal working hours and a living wage.

 

"Our oppression is at an end!" exclaimed the humble Blackstone Group summer intern as he liberated his community from tyrants whose salaries are less than his tuition. "The fight is never about grapes or lettuce, it is always about ravioli! We draw our strength from the very despair in which we have been forced to live, the cramped doubles and the squalor of Stone Hall. We shall endure!"

 

"Si se pasta!" Layne concluded, nimbly stepping over a sleeping homeless person as his followers chanted "Hey hey, ho ho, this different soup has got to go!"

 

At press time, the situation remained tense, as HUDS immigration officials refused to accede to Layne's demands to swipe additional interhouse guests into Quincy dining hall.