and entering

Mila Kunis's Approval More Powerful Enticement Than Three Generations of Talented Women

Actress Mila Kunis
While students were protesting out front, the straw that broke the camel's back was a disapproving glare from the star of "That 70s Show."
CAMBRIDGE, MA – After the Hasty Pudding Theatricals announced that their 171st show will feature female performers, sources have confirmed that Pudding Grand Sphinx Andrew Farkas's desire to be friends with Woman of the Year Mila Kunis has single-handedly outdone the efforts of three generations of gifted actresses to attend Harvard since it went coed.
"I mean, did you see Jupiter Ascending? She's so fucking cool," Farkas announced at the WOY parade, referring to the one female celebrity partying with his club and not the literally hundreds of talented actresses to attend Radcliffe and Harvard during his lifetime alone. "I know it sounds crazy, but a woman? Being that good at acting? Something had to be done."
The impractical dinosaur of an organization ignored generations of multitalented Harvard alumnae like Stockard Channing, Rashida Jones, and Mira Sorvino, and resisted years of student activism. But nothing presented a greater threat to the HPT's vitality than the love interest from Forgetting Sarah Marshall not thinking they were cool.
Likewise, the possibility of seeing sitcom star and R&B artist Tatyana Ali play a fruit farmer named Mike Umquatz, while it might have been cool, was certainly a less important factor than Odile the Black Swan pretending to listen to a pasty nineteen-year-old in a toga.
Scarcely noted was Farkas's postscript, in which he confirmed that the word "women" obviously means "white women from the top economic quintile."
© 2018