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HUDS Cranberry Walnut Muffin “Will Solve This Homeless Man’s Problems”

"Talk about a muffin-tumble lifestyle, am I right?"

“There you go,” said Wendell Pritchard '16, gently placing a single room-temperature Harvard University Dining Services muffin next to the motionless bundle of blankets huddled inside a doorway on the stretch of Plympton Street between Bow and Mt. Auburn. “That’ll make it all better.”

Pritchard allegedly grabbed the muffin on his way out of Quincy dining hall this morning “just kind of without thinking,” only to later realize that he was too full of bacon “to even consider taking a bite.”

“I just wanted to do something that would make a difference,” said Pritchard, referring to his decision to donate the unwanted pastry rather than throw it in the garbage. 

“I’m no hero,” he continued. “Anybody in my place would have done the same.”

The muffin, which cost Pritchard nothing to obtain and which has no protective covering against an approaching thunderstorm, is expected to be a “pleasant surprise,” which will “brighten up that guy’s day a bit.”

“I just wish he’d been awake to see it,” said Pritchard. “When he said ‘Thanks,’ I was totally going to say, ‘Think muffin of it.’ Get it?” Here, Pritchard paused for a moment to contain his chuckling. “I mean, a muffin and a joke – what more could a guy want?”

When asked whether he would extend his philanthropic activities to include nominal volunteer work at the Phillips Brooks House Association, Pritchard mumbled something about being late for section before heading off in the direction of Tasty Burger. 

At press time, a local pigeon had pecked the muffin down to a stump, and was about to start in on the adjacent pair of chicken tenders wrapped in a greasy brown napkin.

Image source: Pixabay/genniebee512

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