and entering

Could We Have a Rivalry, Too? Please?

A building at Princeton, apparently

Hi Harvard! It’s Princeton. Remember us? We’re that school that you applied regular decision to. We admitted you! You were excited, but you’d already gotten into Harvard early action, so you were only kind of excited. 

Everything we hear nowadays is “Harvard-Yale” this and “Harvard-Yale” that, and we’ve been feeling a little left out recently. We hate to bother you, but could we have a rivalry, too? Please?

Think of all the good times we’d have! How fun would it be if you were like, “We’re playing that school in New Jersey next weekend,” and then we were like, “Those boys in Massachusetts won’t know what hit ‘em,” and then we all started chuckling? (We would only lightly chuckle, though, so as not to disturb the butler.)

You would make t-shirts that say “You Can’t Spell PRINCETON Without NOPE,” and we would make t-shirts that say “BOO HARVARD” because we are not as creative as you are. And you would call us “the Harvard of the tri-state area,” and we would grin and bear it because that is a decent point. It would be a blast!

Besides, you owe us—we all know your Facebook post about getting into Princeton got 253 likes. That felt good, didn’t it? 

We really need this, Harvard. We’re dealing with a lot of grade and ego deflation down here. Only two presidents graduated from us, and they were both racist. And we only have, like, three roads. Be a pal and let us hate you!

© 2017