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Basic White Kid Near Extinction After Destruction of Feeding Ground

A prime feeding ground for the Basic White Kid. These markings are capable of attracting it from nearly a block away.

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Conservationists from the National Wildlife Service have raised concerns that the Basic White Kid, a rare animal indigenous to the coasts of North America, may be on the verge of extinction following the discovery that it can no longer access one of its primary food sources.

Said source of nutrition, which the Basic White Kid can only forage for in one location, is considered integral to the creature’s diet. The foodstuff’s natural growing location is also home to an integral mating ritual of the Basic White Kid, which, after initially meeting a prospective partner in Quincy Dhall “just to get to know you better, ‘cause, like, I think we have a lot in common”, will often encounter the mate again at this site before deciding whether to engage in copulation.

While some environmentalists have observed that multiple locations in the Brattle Square area offer similar foraging opportunities, others fear that a mass migration would upset the region’s fragile ecosystem. The Pretentious Artiste, indigenous to Café Algiers, has already seen its habitat disintegrate following the arrival of numerous invasive species when Felipe’s reopened, and it is believed that these easily unnerved creatures will not react well to their natural predator also arriving in the vicinity.

At press time, attempts to relocate the species to eight local watering holes have had mixed results, with only young females successfully gaining access.

© 2016