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From the Archives: Porcellian Club Condemns Harvard College Efforts to Admit Landless Males Lacking Proper Lineage

"It requires a certain lineage to occupy these noble halls"

On this here day in the Year of our Lord MDCCXCI, the denizens of the Porcellian Club have expressed Outrage and Gall at the recent decision of our honourable President Joseph Willard to admit non-landholding white males into the Halls of Learning.

“To the best of my Knowledge, this is the first time an officer of the PC has written and disseminated an expression of our Grievances, on parchment, to the University since the vibrant Debate about whether to admit non-Congregationalist heathens into our midst,” wrote graduate board president Algernon Storey Smithson. “This reflects both the PC’s abiding Interests in the Rights and Duties of Privacy as well as its vehement Opposition to the inclusion of landless ignoramuses from the boondocks.”

The language comes after President Willard made a statement relating to statements of a certain Tennessean lawyer of rising fame, young Andrew Jackson, regarding the possibility of a future expansion of the electorate to include all white males, regardless of property holdings. “I see no Reason to withhold the Harvard education and brotherhood from such qualified individuals as may attend, even if they are poor Tennessean ruffians,” said Willard. “And I hope that the Porcellian Club will support me in this endeavor.”

The social organization refused, after providing some justification. “We are very Diverse,” wrote Smithson. “We have members from Boston, and we have members from Connecticut. We even have one from Virginia, who has brought along his African manservant. All of this clearly signifies that there is no Problem of Diversity in the PC.”

© 2016