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SeaWorld Ends Captive Human Breeding Program

A captive trainer seen here, being brutally hurled during a live show.

SAN DIEGO – After fourteen years of rearing their trainers in captivity, SeaWorld announced that they will no longer facilitate the spawning of any humans for their amusement parks. This decision has been long awaited by many human rights activists, who have criticized SeaWorld for their unethical treatment of human trainers.

Susan Beech, president of the Society for Humane Treatment of Humans (SHTH), has spoken out against the keeping of human trainers for years. “Humans are intelligent and social animals,” she claims. “It’s not right to shove them into these solitary holding tanks, or parade them around for our own amusement.”

Former SeaWorld human capture captain John Jonah recalls the procedure his team employed. “We drew the young away from their parents first with candy, as well as fresh fish guts,” he says, “and then used nets to scoop up the adults, the bigger the better.” Jonah resigned in 2012 due to his disapproval of the company’s procedure. “The noises they made I’ll never forget, you could say it was almost like they were crying.” Beech confirms this observation, “these trainers really do have families, much like you or me.”

Others have rallied to the defense of SeaWorld. “No doubt the human breeding program is dated, but you can’t deny all the good SeaWorld has done for human conservation,” shares an anonymous supporter. “In any case, now they’ll be able to focus more closely on the awareness they bring to these gravely misunderstood creatures.”

Susan Beech is happy with SeaWorld’s announcement, but far from satisfied. “Today represents a success, but we cannot stop until all the trainers are released and returned to their natural spawning grounds. SeaWorld should stay out of their way, and allow nature to take its course.”

Nonetheless, despite the advocacy of groups like SHTH and overwhelming evidence of population decline, Japan still refuses to impose limitations on its wild human hunting industry.

© 2017