and entering

Howdy! I'm Rob the Reading Rhino, And John Doesn't Love You Anymore!

You will always be alone. Always!

Hiya there, great to meet ya! It's me, everyone's favorite reading buddy – Rob the Rhino! I love chapter books, spelling, belly rubs, and also John says it's not working and he'll pick his stuff up on Saturday!

Oh, I know kiddo, everyone gets sad sometimes. Even me, Rob the Reading Rhino! But whenever I feel sad, I just pick up my favorite book and I'm good as new! I can't say I've read a book good enough to distract myself from asking why John never thought to introduce you to his family, and whether that was because you are annoying or unattractive, or because you snore too loudly or have a weird uneasy feeling around sea turtles even though you didn't ever mention that specifically to John. But hey! Maybe Eragon? It has dragons! 

You can learn sooo much from books, too! I learned from a book that oxytocin, the chemical compound released by physical touches like hugging and cuddling, is great for you and can lower blood pressure, boost immune activity, and help you lose weight! I also learned from this note that John gave me that he thinks your elbows are too pointy and that was always a turnoff. He also wrote that he could still smell how bad your breath was even when you were out of the room, and that you were never as talented in bed as Dakota was. Well, your ol' pal Rob's not sure who that is, but I do know that the closest star to Earth is Proxima Centauri! Isn't learning fun?

I'd love to stay, but I have to get back to my favorite place in the world – the library! Where books are free! (John won't be paying any of the rent due next week, so money will be tight until you find a new roommate.) As a super, duper special bonus, the librarians will let you cry in the self-help section if you ask them nicely! Get a library card today!

Oh also, John poured bleach on all your house plants. And he's keeping the cat.

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