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God Still Unsure About 2000-Year-Old Voicemail

God listens one more time, just to make sure.

Nearly 2000 years later, God is still unsure about a voicemail he received when he entered his office on Easter Sunday, 33 BC. The short garbled message consists of an unidentified male voice  exclaiming "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" followed by another voice saying "It is finished." When he first heard the voicemail, God believed that the voice could be that of his estranged son but it could also be one of several billion other people who have accused him of "forsaking them." Later, on the advice of his frenemy, Lucifer, God realized it was actually the voice of a Roman soldier.

At presstime, God expressed some uncertainty over his millennia old decision but eventually shrugged, telling reporters "How important could one voicemail be, anyway?"

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