HANOVER, NH—In the wake of a campus-wide ban on hard liquor, reports have surfaced of bootleggers establishing numerous speakeasies, often using fraternity houses as fronts, across the campus of Dartmouth College.
“It’s a nightmare,” reported Dartmouth’s Director of Safety and Security, Harry C. Kinne. “This policy is turning average students into criminals, and literally anyone who has a car into a folk hero."