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George Pataki Desperately Scans Debate Crowd For Parents

BOULDER, COLORADO—Reporting that he’d really hoped they could make it to this one, particularly since they missed his last two press conferences, fourteenth-place presidential candidate George Pataki appeared to be searching the audience at the Republican Party’s “undercard” debate for his mom and dad, who had both promised to come see him.

“I even told them I’d be on the left half of the stage,” the former New York Governor announced, his voice faltering as he surveyed the unsmiling crowd at the Coors Events Center.