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Area Child Gets Elective Appendectomy Because “Madeline Made It Seem So Badass”

Madeline
BOSTON, MASS.—On Tuesday, area child Anne P. Johnson became the first minor to undergo an elective appendectomy in an attempt to emulate the titular character in the 1939 children’s book Madeline. The eight-year-old knew the surgery was risky but went through with the operation to “have a badass scar like Madeline's.”

Area Child Can’t Wait For Crushing Bleakness of Adulthood

BOSTON, MA –- After accompanying his father on bring-your-child-to-work day, local second grader Timmy Smith couldn’t wait to just grow up already and be a real-life adult.

“I just want to be able to do all the intellectually stimulating stuff my dad does. Today for example, he’s been on the computer for six hours straight and no one’s told him ‘time up’s’ or ‘you have to share,’” he noted.

Timmy was quick to describe the tribulations of second-grade life.