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Cambridge

New Cambridge Parking Regulation Just Fuck Off

CAMBRIDGE, MA-- The City of Cambridge instituted a new parking regulation on Monday. The Cambridge City Council voted to replace the complicated rules that have governed street parking with signs that simply read, "Fuck Off."
 
"We thought this was a more effective means of communicating the key parking rules to Cambridge residents, commuters, and tourists," said Cambridge Mayor David Maher. "It really just captures the sentiment."
 
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Cambridge
Parking
Tourists

Thousands Coming for Head of the Charles

Everywhere around Cambridge and Boston, thousands of people are coming right now to see the enormous Head of the Charles. The visitors, fit to burst from simply seeing the Head of the Charles, are visibly tense in their anticipation for this time-treasured event.

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head of the charles
rowing
Harvard
crew
Cambridge
Boston

Meyer’s Discount Mohel Service Goes out of Business

CAMBRIDGE, MA—A staple institution in the Cambridge community, Meyer’s Discount Mohel Service, closed its doors last Tuesday after nearly 30 years in the circumcision business.

“It certainly is a sad day,” said Meyer Bernsteinowitz. “I’m going to miss snipping those little schtickels.”

Meyer’s business enjoyed great success after the onset of the recession caused many families to look for less expensive Bris services, but the customers soon stopped coming after Bersteinowitz was accused of bad business practices.

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Local
Cambridge

Puberty Strikes Late

Late Saturday night, the Harvard University Police Department sent out a community advisory warning local inhabitants of an attack. At approximately 23:30, Cambridge Rindge and Latin School junior Myler G. Harris was walking home from a BIDA contra dance to his home on Shepard Street. He was sidetracked when he saw a young sapling, became overwhelmed by the beauty of nature, and diligently began rehearsing his rock-step with the aforementioned tree. It was in the midst of this childish wonderment that he was assailed.

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puberty
Cambridge