SatireV

Breaking

and entering

2020

2020 Has Got to Go -- Fast

sonic screening

I’m not going to lie, 2020 has been rough. 12 months ago I felt so optimistic. After all, 2020 had all of the makings of my perfect year: a new decade, a thriving economy, and a theatrical release of Sonic the Hedgehog slated for February 14th. 

I thought my grandparents would attend my graduation. I was going to travel the world. And on Valentine’s day, I was supposed to have a perfect evening with Sonic, James Marsden, and Jim Carrey’s Dr. Ivo “Eggman” Robotnik. Needless to say, none of that happened.

2020 Was Supposed to Be My Year

allston campus

By the Allston Engineering Campus 

Yeah, I get it. We’ve all had a pretty shitty year. We were all expecting maybe a little better for ourselves. Zoom University was renewed for a second season. Mather Lather was presumably canceled for the foreseeable future. And what was supposed to be a breathless tryst in the Widener stacks is now a ménage à un in your childhood beanbag chair.

Op-Ed: Why I’m Committing Voter Fraud and You Should Too

By Jake Craven ‘22

 

According to Wikipedia, voter fraud is the “illegal interference with the process of an election.” Now, I don’t know much about illegal processes, but I do know a thing or two about elections; specifically, how easy they are to interfere with fraudulently. That’s why, this November, I’ll be marching down to my local polling center and submitting roughly 44,600 ballots for Hilary Clinton.