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Germany Slightly Amused They Represent Last Best Hope Against Rise of Fascism

Chancellor Merkel contemplates her newfound awesome responsibility.

BERLIN – As Donald Trump ascends to the American presidency and a right-wing populist wave engulfs much of western Europe, it appears that Germany represents the last best hope against the renewed rise of fascism. According to German Chancellor Angela Merkel, the Germans find this “only slightly amusing. Only slightly.”

Germany, once led by the notorious fascist Adolf Hitler, is currently the European Union’s de facto leader. With the United Kingdom in the process of leaving the EU and France perhaps on the verge of electing far right nationalist Marine Le Pen as president, it could be that Germany will be the liberal west’s greatest remaining power. “Huh. Isn’t that something?” said German President Joachim Gauck.

“Look, the irony is not lost on us,” said Federal Minister of Finance Wolfgang Schäuble about the current situation. “We have museums and stuff. We know what happened. I understand why you’re skeptical, but you’re all going to have to trust us on this one.”

The country that notably instigated two world wars (in less than one century, mind you) sent a strong message to the United States after Trump’s election. “We will cooperate with you so long as you uphold democratic values,” said Merkel in a televised statement. “Again, we say this in full appreciation of our history. Do I really have to acknowledge the irony every single time I say it?”

But if Germany falls to proto-fascism too, another nation is prepared to step up to the plate.

“Hey, don’t forget about us,” said Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi. “Yes, yes, I know. The irony is not lost on us either. But we’re pretty democratic now!”

When reached for comment, even Russian President Vladimir Putin admitted he was genuinely concerned by how quickly liberal democracy is collapsing. “Yes it was certainly part of plan. But this quickly? I did not expect this in thousand years!”


Image Source: AP

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