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Drew Faust Announces...Wait, I'm Better Than Writing About Final Clubs, Right?

The Syrian Army intervenes in Khan Touman because allowing women into the al-Nusra Front would just lead to more sexual assaults.
ALEPPO, SYRIA–-Two days ago, Islamist rebels seized the village of Khan Touman, which resulted in 73 deaths and violated the ceasefire in the city of Aleppo recently brokered by the United States and Russia. The battle subsided merely a few hours before the President of Harvard University, Drew Gilpin Faust, issued a statement citing consequences for students participating in unrecognized single-gender social organizations on campus., that's not right.
The battle subsided with relatively even casualties on the sides of both rebels and government forces who have clashed recently in a new phase of the nearly five-year civil war. The war began as a civilian uprising in 2011 against the injustices of the Assad regime, which included torture and the withholding of leadership positions in recognized student organizations and deans' endorsement letters from members of finals clubs, fraternities, sororities, and the like.
Agh! Sorry! I meant the use of chemical weapons against its own citizens!
However, the conflict has been particularly heated in the city of Aleppo and the surrounding region as government forces have attempted to retake the city from rebel control. Furthermore, this campaign has been particularly violent as government airstrikes and shelling has resulted in around 300 deaths in two weeks. Many sources attribute this high number of casualties to government targeting of hospitals, medical centers, and real estate on Mount Auburn Street. 
The tragedy is only heightened by Aleppo's place as a UNESCO world heritage site, filled with ancient temples, markets and single-sex social clubs. No, wait, I mean Lampoon, just regular castles! All of these are archaeological and cultural treasures that cannot be found anywhere else in the modern world. 
This has prompted a strong international response, including a vigil organized by Harvard students earlier this week to pray for the victims of these bombings. Although you probably didn't go to that because you were busy worrying about the future of the Owl.
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