LONDON, UK -- After a historic day in British politics of massive voter turnout and a decisive victory for the "Vote Leave" campaign, the United Kingdom will no longer be a member of the European Union. Many citizens are hailing the decision as a turning point for the British people in a struggle against oppressive and undemocratic Euro-centric politics, while some so-called "experts" are describing the momentous vote as having "triggered the largest single-day crash in the history of the pound."

The heated six week campaign period saw both sides attempt to convince the British people that the other option was significantly more terrifying, yet final polls showed a divided nation, leaving questions about how much faith would be placed in establishment political figures with decades of experience in politics, high levels of education, and years of direct negotiation with EU leaders.

Despite over 60 percent of MPs, large majorities of young people and those with university degrees, and most members of the population who live among immigrants supporting a vote to Remain, a large turnout among older voters and in northern England was enough to swing the referendum toward Leave. When asked why she voted Leave, pensioner and Hull resident Sally Elliott responded, "I'm tired of having foreigners coming after our jobs." Elliott has been retired for over 15 years. After being questioned on his attitude towards the EU, Grimsby local Gavin Huggins replied, "If I'm honest I think we should be playing Vardy and Kane up front and keep Rooney in the midfield diamond. That's the way to beat Iceland."

Alongside a historic nosedive in the currency markets both in Britain and abroad, the referendum has also called into question the unity of the UK as a whole, with Scottish First Minister Nicola Sturgeon describing the decision as "a wee bit thick," before ripping the sleeves off her beige jacket, painting her face with the blue of the Scottish flag, and screaming "Freedom!" to a crowd of baying Scottish National Party supporters. Scenes in Northern Ireland were somewhat more muted, as voters warily eyed police forces and rummaged around their homes for Republic of Ireland flags last used in the early 1990s.

At press time, UKIP leader Nigel Farage was seen shirtless at the white cliffs of Dover, gleefully urinating into the waves below and singing "Rule Brittania" to himself.