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Terrified Adele Dazeem flees Country after John Travolta blows her Cover

Adele Dazeem in her last known location

Undisclosed Location—Wanted Turkmenistani terrorist Adele Dazeem—who has spent the last twenty years living in the United States under the assumed name Idina Menzel—has fled the country following the revelation of her identity by John Travolta at last week’s Academy Awards, a Department of Homeland Security source has confirmed.

            Dazeem, notorious throughout the former Soviet republic of her birth for her failed 1994 attempt to bomb the first annual Melon Day parade in Ashgabat, has been the subject of a decades-long manhunt by Russian and Turkmen authorities. Documents uncovered at her residence revealed that Dazeem had eluded capture by hiding in a crate of black-market stage props intended for shipment to the United States for use in the musical “Rent”, and has hidden in plain sight ever since. When pressed for comment, a Russian intelligence spokesman adamantly denied that Travolta was involved in any capacity whatsoever with the investigation to find Dazeem.

            Friends and colleagues of the fugitive-turned-star-performer expressed shock at recent revelations. Dazeem’s “Frozen” co-star Kristen Bell told reporters that though “Idina did have this really bizarre accent that came out when she was drunk,” she would have never guessed that the actress was in fact a terrorist mastermind. Travolta, for his part, claimed he had “never even heard of Ideeze Minelli” prior to his presentation at the Oscars. 

© 2014