and entering

Superdelegates Pledge To Use Powers for Good

Amid concerns that the Democratic
presidential nomination could be decided by so-called "superdelegates,"
several of these individuals have pledged to use their powers for good, not evil.

"After receiving the power of teleportation in a lab accident, I swore that I would only use my incredible
gifts for the betterment of mankind," explained Montana Governor
Brian Schweitzer, one of 796 DNC superdelegates.

"While I understand why people would be concerned that I'll use my powers to steal nuclear weapons or undermine the electoral process, those concerns are really unfounded."
Governor Schweitzer then teleported
back to his office to veto a bill.

While most of the delegates needed for the democratic nomination
are awarded in a proportional-representation system through state primaries and caucuses, nearly 800 elected leaders and party members are likewise given a say in the process.

With Senator Barack Obama holding a slight lead over his opponent
Hillary Clinton, many democrats
have grown concerned that these delegates could be a deciding factor, subverting the democratic process.

Superdelegate Wayne Dowdy, chairman of the Mississippi Democratic
Property, attempted to downplay
the prospects for such an outcome. "Listen, I know how disastrous
it would be for the party if we nominated someone who didn't win the majority of delegates through the primaries," explained Dowdy, as several duplicates of himself gave similar interviews to other news agencies.

"When I first became a superdelegate,
I swore that I would use my power only to uphold the will of the voters, and also that I would protect the people of Mississippi from the sinister forces of Jim Herring."

Herring, chairman of the state's Republican Party and a powerful telepath, was unavailable for comment.

Party leadership has also assured voters of their benevolent intent.

"I could use my near-limitless power to choose the candidate I thought would have the best chance of beating McCain in November," conceded DNC Chair Howard Dean, floating several miles outside earth's atmosphere and beholding the world he had sworn to protect.

"But my father didn't send me here in a rocket-ship from a dying planet so that I could ignore the political
will of my fellow democrats, or fly around the earth really fast to reverse the flow of time."

Mr. Dean then flew towards earth to help a middle-class family
afford health insurance, and later battled a giant robot menacing Washington.

© 2008