and entering

Scientists Pinpoint Exact Moment When Katy Perry Turned Cringe

JEFFERSON LABS, VA—Using recently-developed technology, scientists have finally determined that musician Katy Perry crossed the line from pop princess to super cringe on October 14, 2015.

According to the project’s chief scientist, George L. Xavier, the study was an outgrowth of widespread confusion about when exactly Perry became cringe. “What we found was that everyone agreed ‘Swish Swish,’ ‘Bon Appetit,’ and ‘The Smurfs 2’ made them uncomfortable,” he said. “The more difficult issue was deciding the earliest date when Katy did something kinda off.”

The team considered several dates when attempting to pin down exactly when Perry crossed the line from making bangers to inducing discomfort. “We examined a pretty wide timeframe, from her Hindu wedding to Russell Brand in 2010 to events as recent as her live-streamed therapy session just this past September,” Xavier said.

Xavier and his colleagues finally came to the conclusion that the 2015 date—the day when Perry released her mobile app Katy Perry Pop—was the true tipping point in Perry’s career. Perry described the app as “the most fun, colorful world that helps guide your musical dreams,” a quote that Xavier reports made scientists so uncomfortable that even the sick beats on “Teenage Dream” were re-contextualized as a bit weird.

The results came as a surprise to many, including local pop fan Joseph P. Eggers. “I only noticed that Katy Perry made me uncomfortable last week,” he said. “So to hear she’s been cringe for a while has made me reevaluate my whole interpretation of the ‘Prism’ era.”

The scientists’ next research project will attempt to track the disappearance of consonants from Ariana Grande’s music.

© 2017