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Republican Party Not Racially Diverse, Just Tan

After a wild spring break, which included a cruise to the Dominican Republic, Haiti, and Cuba, the Republican Party has released a statement emphasizing that they “are not more racially diverse—just tan.”

“We all enjoyed a nice recess from Congress,” reads the statement released Thursday, “but someone forgot to pack the sunscreen, and we all experienced the unfortunate effects of a strong Caribbean sun.”

“Although our darker appearances might suggest otherwise, we are still devoted to the interests of the white, male, middle-aged, and balding demographic. We did, however, meet some charming young college students who might be willing to vote for us once they begin running their own companies and forget their idealistic youths.” 

The statement came out only days after a confused Massachusetts crowd applauded Jon Huntsman for embracing his Indian heritage.  Boehner has also run into trouble for not admitting that he was biracial much earlier.

“I have no idea what people are talking about,” said Huntsman, spreading aloe on his nose. “When we’ve talked about being a more open party, we meant the gays, maybe, and that’s about it.”

Huntsman also confirmed that the intensity of his tan had everything to do with “judicious application of Hawaiian Tropic,” and absolutely nothing to do with the destruction of the ozone layer by unconcerned corporations. 

© 2013