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Recount Determines Ear of Corn Wins Iowa Caucus

Cobb at a victory rally after he was declared the winner of the Iowa Caucus

DES MOINES, IA - The field of Republican hopefuls has changed again.

First Mitt Romney had won Iowa. Then Rick Santorum pulled ahead in a recount. But now a second recount has determined that William F. Cobb, an ear of corn, is the official winner of the state. The home-grown candidate has been the leader of a grassroots movement starchly opposed to the production of alternative fuels, particularly ethanol.

"Aw, shucks, I only won by an ear," said Cobb in a husky voice, "I'm thankful for all the support that's cropping up, but I just want to do what's best for every man, woman, and kernel in this great country."

Santorum seeded the top spot to Cobb, saying, "He just popped out of nowhere. In fact, I'm a-maized by the results. Cobb may be a little green, but he's an upright candidate with a strong platform." Critics say, however, that Santorum's just trying to butter Cobb up, in the hopes of securing the vice-presidential nomination.

Gingrich tried to dispute the recount on the grounds that Cobb is ostensibly an ear of corn. Iowans were not amused by this "city-slicker talk."

After this victory, Cobb, who started low in the polls, is now as high as an elephant's eye. "We thought he was canned," said Wolf Blitzer, "but it turns out that he's actually a very fresh candidate. The only thing that could stop him now is a strong opposition campaign that focuses on his grainy past. Or a locust attack."

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