and entering

President Obama Proposes Funding for 50,000 Police Navi

Hello! Hello! Watch out!

In the wake of civil unrest brought about by the recent grand jury rulings against the indictment of St. Louis PD officer Darren Wilson and NYPD officer Daniel Pantaleo, President Obama has asked Congress to provide funding for 50,000 police fairy companions to accompany America’s law enforcement officers on their adventures.

The fairies, which will manifest as winged balls of glowing light, have been designed to prevent instances of police brutality by hovering over officers’ shoulders and shouting “Hey! Listen! Hey! Due process!” when they appear ready to use excessive force. In addition, said the President, police fairy companions will have the ability to shout “Hey! Look!” and turn green while floating near potentially useful quest items, such as “piles of loose coins, Deku nuts, and AIRSOFT logos.”

At press time, the current whereabouts of the Triforce remain unknown.

© 2014