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Pedophiles Express Concern Over Childhood Obesity

Fat boys need love too

The pedophile community last week expressed dismay over the recent rise in childhood obesity, adding its voice to the chorus of physicians and dieticians concerned with expanding waistlines in our schools.

“Childhood obesity is a danger to a child’s health, can cause poor self-esteem, and even lead to juvenile diabetes,” reads a press release from the North American Man-Boy Love Association. “But one of the oft-overlooked side effects of childhood obesity is the toll it takes on us child-lovers. The young boys we care about have more chins than a Chinese phone book, and that’s just not attractive.”

Others in the pedophile community were more candid. “Spending some quality time with a middle schooler never used to be a long-term commitment,” said local child molester Bob Moore, who recently injured his back trying to throw a hefty child into his van. “But with these chubby little fucks our public schools have been churning out, you have to lock ’em in your basement dungeon for weeks be¬fore they’re thin enough to molest.”

Experts and pedophiles alike point the finger at fast-food chains like McDonald’s, as well as soda machines in schools, as the main culprits for child¬hood obesity. Indeed, NAMBLA is planning a massive protest outside the McDonald’s corporate headquarters in California. “This is without a doubt the most important issue facing our generation,” said NAMBLA member Henry Robinson, a retired gym teacher. “It’s time to wake up the corporations and tell them we’re sick of our victims having breasts.”

© 2007