and entering

Nation Indifferent as VP Candidates Merge into One Middle-Aged White Man

This hybrid creature has wildly differing views on abortion, health care reform, and foreign policy, but he is united in his love for Field of Dreams.
FARMVILLE, VA -- After briefly dividing into separate entities for Tuesday night's vice-presidential debate at Longwood University, Democratic candidate Tim Kaine and his Republican opponent, Mike Pence, have merged back into a single middle-aged white man.
"We understand that some people have had difficulty telling us apart," said Kaine or Pence, depending on whom you ask. "So this seems more expedient."
Undecided voters in Virginia, a crucial swing state this election, took no notice of the embarrassing amalgamation of mid-life masculinity. "I think one of them plays the harmonica, but then again I might just be thinking of my uncle Ted," said Richmond resident Hannah Watterson.
"We believe this debate was crucial for helping Americans make a decision come November 8," said Commission on Presidential Debates Co-Chair Michael McCurry, choking back a laugh. "That's why we held it here at storied Longwood University in--in--Farmville, Virginia. Okay, I can't--"
For his part, the boring, indistinguishable white man was glad to be in the spotlight, but looks forward to returning to relative obscurity. "I like debating, but I prefer listening to Fleetwood Mac while sanding a table in my garage" he said, trailing off.
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