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Mitt Romney Relieved He Might Still Be Hero in Future History Books

Mitt Romney expressed his relief that he will never need to feel as embarrassed as he looks in this photo.

LA JOLLA, CA--Fading out of the public eye after press reports linked Rex Tillerson to the position of Secretary of State, 2012 presidential candidate and former Never Trumper Mitt Romney has announced his joy that future historians may, in fact, still view him as a hero.


"For a while there, after that whole dinner photo thing, I was seriously worried future generations might view me as another sellout," the former Massachusetts overnor who still could be respected by our descendants confirmed to reporters.


"But one conversation between Trump and the CEO of ExxonMobil and I'm back! Heck, some NGO in 2035 might end up giving out an annual Willard M. Romney Award for Courage in Public Service. If Kasich and I pull something in 2020, your grandkids could even be looking at a bestseller called American Cicero: Mitt Romney and Conservatism's Redemption? I can't believe I almost lost all of that for some bullshit cabinet appointment."


For his part, President-elect Trump appeared disappointed at losing the chance to destroy a dignified and respectable public figure's place in history, saying, "No-cabinet Mitt is now going to be considered a respectable leader, big-league. The idea of an actor taking some Oscar-bait cameo as him fifty years from now, you would not believe it. You would not believe it. Sad!" 

Dr. Ben Carson, who remains in the running to join the Cabinet, is reportedly looking forward to being the pub-trivia answer for "Who was the last Secretary of Housing and Urban Development?"
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