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Katy Perry Kept Afloat Only by Freshmen Listening to “The One That Got Away (Acoustic)”

Katy Perry is just barely staving off bankruptcy.

BEVERLY HILLS, CA - Sources close to pop star Katy Perry report that she is staving off bankruptcy solely because lonely college freshmen are listening to the acoustic version of her 2010 hit “The One That Got Away” on repeat.

The Santa Barbara native was once making millions worldwide from her catchy pop-dance ditties and heartfelt ballads. But now she is only able to make ends meet from the residuals she receives as 18-year-olds lament their recently lost high school loves.

Perry reached number one on the Billboard Top 200 with her summer 2017 release Witness, but market research shows that 100% of buyers only did so to see if there was a new version of “The One That Got Away” on the album. All of them hoped to ease their transition from comfortable high school relationships to the hostile environment of university life.

Many have drawn comparisons between Perry and her devotees after her $18 million residence had its electricity shut off, leaving the washed-up singer alone and despondent in the dark. Unlike every one of her fans, though, no ice cream tins, sleeping roommates, eye drops, or unanswered Facebook pokes were found nearby.

Music critics originally thought that the song’s appeal lay in its ability to effortlessly combine lyrics about both kissing and deep sadness; however, a recent survey showed that freshman relate most to the line “now I pay the price” as they struggle with their ever-growing tuition.  

© 2017