The International House of Pancakes has released a statement rejecting the proposed takeover by Apple Computers, appearing to halt Apple CEO Steve Jobs' obsession with controlling all things beginning with i. IHOP president Julia Stewart noted, "The deal pretty much came down to the customers' objections to an Apple/IHOP product. General consensus seemed to be that our famous pancakes would be compressed into miniscule, albeit tasty, samples. The difference between the pancake business and the computer business is that in our business, you can't fit more bites into a smaller package." Sixty-three year-old customer Doris Schumaker voiced concerns that the new Apple IHOP would have very slow service and that the homey waiters would be replaced by surly teens. "Plus," she added, "I prefer an IHOP apron to a black turtleneck and jeans any day." So what's next for Apple? The latest rumor is that Jobs plans on opening a corporate eyecare center, tentatively named iball. Though this has provoked much anger from the medical community,

marketers are salivating over its potential slogan: "An Apple [product] a Day Keeps the Doctor Away!"