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Hillary Clinton Loses Debate to Prison Team

Clinton tries to restrains herself from strangling opponents.

Las Vegas, NV - Hillary Rodham Clinton was dealt a crushing defeat at the first Democratic debate Tuesday night, losing to a team of inmates from a high security prison in upstate New York. Clinton, who relied heavily on the anecdote of being a grandmother to get her through the night, just couldn’t compete with the prisoners, who had limited access to the Internet in prepping for the debate.

The announcement of the winner was full of mechanical laughter from Clinton as she realized that she had lost to young black men for a second time.

“It’s fine, it’s fine. It’s fine,” said a clearly not fine Clinton. “I’ve been clawing my way to get here for years but you know it’s fine.”

“She was good, way tougher than the Harvard students," said Terrence Hammond, who is serving a life sentence for removing the tag from a mattress. "If she ever gets indicted over Benghazi, she'd be a solid addition to the team."

At press time, Clinton was seen with a pasted smile on her face, shattering a glass of water with her left hand as she watched her opponents receive their trophy. 

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