and entering

Golden Brown Potato Wins Idaho Primary

It's no wonder that the citizens of Idaho, known for eating raw potatoes like apples and wearing Mr. Potato Head accessories, overwhelmingly favored Idaho potatoes in the recent Democratic primary. Explains Idaho governor Butch Otter, "Potatoes have no history of drug abuse, potatoes didn't vote in favor of the war, and potatoes never looked the other way when their husband got head from a fat chick. You can't lose." He and most of the democrats residing in the state have made it clear that, in these times of economic recession, the people of Idaho have no intention of turning their backs on the vegetable that has kept them solvent for decades. "The dollar is the weakest it's been in my lifetime," said Boise native Christopher
Grear, "but market fluctuations can never change the value of a delicious
Idaho potato."

Even the state's African American
population, expected to turn out in support of Barack Obama, showed the nation that they believe it its time for America to elect its first starch president.
"Obama may be brown," said black democrat
Rufus Thomson,
"but Idaho potatoes are golden brown."

Idaho native Erin Park, like many of her peers, has been very active in her support of potatoes' candidacy. "Obama may bring a message of social
betterment, but golden Idaho potatoes
bring a message of gnocchi," she told reporters early last week. "As for Clinton," she added, "decades of experience and a full arsenal of no-nonsense policies with which I have not bothered to familiarize myself are fine, but how well do they complement a turkey dinner?"

Idaho political analyst and farmer Jeff Argent met with Satire V reporters recently and provided his insights into the situation. "Though Hillary's hard stance on international politics and her image as a strong, independent woman are certainly appealing, potatoes can be either crispy and fresh or rich and creamy. Clearly, potatoes, more than any other candidate, bring versatility
and a wide range of experience to the table," to which he added, "Get it? Table?"

© 2008