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George Zimmerman Agrees to Hand Over All Chemical Weapons

A stray remark by Secretary of State John Kerry may prevent further violence in the strife-ridden area of Sanford, Florida. Kerry, in a televised interview, suggested offhandedly that military intervention could be avoided by handing over all chemical weapons to the “international community”, and it appears that Zimmerman may comply.

Sources say that Zimmerman, who is currently undergoing divorce proceedings with his wife and has been accused of instigating ethnically-motivated violence in the past, sees this offer as a chance to avoid incurring the ire of the American public, who are thus far opposed to any sort of military intervention.

This past week, however, Zimmerman was interviewed on Charlie Rose making thinly-veiled threats to the U.S. and its allies. “You should expect everything” stated Zimmerman on air. It is unclear how seriously the U.S. takes Zimmerman’s threats. The American public remains focused elsewhere, however, as Syrian President Bashar al-Assad announced plans to invoke the controversial “Stand Your Ground” law in his defense.

© 2013