and entering

Facebook Tired of Being Used, Wants Real Connection

The social network hovers over the friend request button and contemplates what it really means to request a friendship.

PALO ALTO, CA -– After passing the 1.5 billion users mark and celebrating a dozen years online in the past few months, Facebook solidified its position as the world’s largest social network. However, the website has begun to feel that its many connections, though notable, are disturbingly superficial.

“It’s like I know people, but I don’t know people,” one server communicated via binary. “I want to understand more than just the image my 'friends' put out on social media.”

Facebook described its short experience as the world’s leading connector as surprisingly isolating. “Being in the middle of it all is lonely. I have 1.5 billion friends but none of them really feel real. If we’re not here to make real friends, what are we even here for?”

Facebook announced its intention to solve its existential crisis through walkabouts, where the server will get pulled around in a wagon to connect physically with the outside world. “It won’t be as efficient in making connections” said one recently hired cart puller, “but it’s really more of a spiritual journey anyway.”


Image Source: YouTube

© 2016