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Cruz-Fiorina Campaign Hopes to Protect the World From Devastation, Unite All Peoples Within Our Nation

Team Cruz-Fiorina after preparations to blast off at the speed of light were abruptly cancelled

WASHINGTON, DC -- Late last month, GOP presidential candidate Ted Cruz joined forces with ex-presidential candidate Carly Fiorina. After making this bold declaration, the senator confidently told voters at an Indianapolis rally that Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton should  "prepare for trouble."

"And make it double," added Fiorina, hoisting herself back onto the stage after taking a nasty tumble.

"They've called me everything from 'incomprehensibly unpleasant,' to 'booger eater,' and most recently, 'cartoon villain,'" the junior senator from Texas said to the crowd. "But we're still going to do our darnedest to protect the world from devastation, and unite all peoples within our nation."

After dusting herself off and regaining full composure, Fiorina added that the Team was also fully committed to "denounc[ing] the evil of truth and love," especially that of homosexual individuals, and extending their reach "to the stars above" so that it finally definitively includes the uteruses and general reproductive rights of all US women.

"Team Cruz-Fiorina blast off at the speed of light" Cruz said in closing, awkwardly grappling for Fiorina's hand. To their ideological enemies, people like Brock Obama, and his headstrong and tomboy-ish fellow Gym Leader from Cerulean City, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Cruz-Fiorina has a simple message:  "Give up soon, or arrange yourselves for a heated battle!"

"Glenn Beck, that's right!" quipped idiotic TV and radio host, Glenn Beck, who is a cat that walks on two legs and can talk, somehow.

Despite the fact that it officially became mathematically impossible last week for Team Rocket to capture Pikachu the nomination, Cruz-Fiorina will likely continue to be a nuisance for the rest of this anime.


UPDATE: After defeat in Indiana, it looks like Team Cruz-Fiorina's blasting off AGAAAAaaaaiiiiiiiinnnnnn! *ding*

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