and entering

Congress Celebrates "Bring Your Mistress to Work Day"

Following a 200-year
tradition, Congress celebrated its annual "Bring Your Mistress to Work Day"
yesterday. Congressmen arrived in style, including Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY),
who rolled up to the steps of the Capitol in a limo and emerged with a woman on
each arm.

The festivities began with
an address by Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid (D-NV), who spoke on the
important role mistresses have played in shaping American politics. "This year,""
Reid said, "marks the 50th anniversary of the first time our beloved President
John Fitzgerald Kennedy banged Marilyn Monroe. Let Ms. Monroe serve as an
enduring example in our republic's history of the remarkable achievements of

The House Minority Leader,
aptly named John Boehner (R-OH), outlined the procedure for the day's
celebration. "Being a congressman is often construed in the media as a glamorous
job," Boehner stated. "But we want mistresses to see that it's not all fun and
games, which is why we will celebrate today by locking ourselves in our offices
with our mistresses, and showing them just how much work goes into being
a congressman." Boehner added, ""Everyone else, staff, reporter, interns, just go
home--well, maybe not interns."

Senator Mitch McConnell
(R-KY) told reporters how important mistresses played into his party's platform.
"At the core of Republican philosophy is family values," McConell said. "A
mistress equals twice the family, equals twice the value."

Senator Larry Craig (R-ID)
spent the day in the public restroom in the Capitol's lobby.

"Bring Your Mistress to Work
Day" culminated with a banquet at the Washington Plaza hotel. Attendance was
minimal, as most congressmen were in rooms at the same

© 2009