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Clinton Takes Long, Relaxing Vacation at Home Office

Mrs. Clinton gazing lovingly upon her encyclopedias and fountain pens.

CHAPPAQUA, NY- With the long arduous campaign behind her, former Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton has decided to take a much needed vacation by immediately jumping back to work. “This campaign was so mentally exhausting, and now that it is over, I am going to take time to reflect, get out and see the world, take advantage of some much needed R&R and ‘me time,’” said Clinton, pausing for about 15 seconds. “…. Ok that was good. Back to work.”

Clinton kicked off her vacation with a nice meander downstairs to her study where she spent the next fourteen hours starting a new organization designed to help women with cleft-palate in developing nations start their own Fair Trade flour and textile mills.

“You know, I think I’ve earned a few ‘treat myself’ days,” said Clinton, double fisting two triple espresso caramel macchiatos. “I mean I slept in till 7:37 AM this morning. I’m such a bad girl.  I hope this doesn’t become a habit.” Clinton mused, enjoying the tranquil view of her desk and assorted stationary and encyclopedias.

The former Democratic nominee speculated maybe taking an extra thirteen to fourteen seconds on her next lunch break. “Maybe I’ll try a Gogurt tomorrow afternoon—I don’t know, this is just my time to really let loose and try fun and new things, like negotiating a ceasefire in Nagorno-Karabakh.” 

At press time, Clinton was found taking a warm candlelit bubble bath filled entirely with Red Bull.

© 2016