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Analysis Conclusive: John Boehner Sits Out Huge Erection for Better Part of State of the Union Address

As Congress repeatedly arose in applause for the President’s State of the Union Address, Speaker of the House John Boehner remained seated. While some would point to his outspoken disagreement with Obama’s recent policies, reports showed that Boehner had a more important issue on his mind.

Recent facial expression analysis produced some surprising results on the recent address. “Here we go again…why does this always happen?” Boehner thought to himself during the opening remarks. “His voice is so smooth...”

As he quietly attempted to subdue what appeared to be a monster erection, Boehner considered standing to divert blood-flow, but decided that the risk was too high.

Near the half-hour mark, President Obama delivered a message to the troops, and Boehner’s little Boehner couldn’t help but stand at attention.

“I swear this never happens,” he could be heard muttering after the 5thstanding ovation. “God knows it never happens at home.”


Biden confirmed that he too had been “rock hard” for the entire speech, yet he chose to stand on display at every opportunity.

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