and entering

Militant Girl Scouts Troop Exacts Revenge on Sadly Ignorant Customer

Troop 1524 looks on as local man Ted Smith makes an undoubtedly idiotic purchase.

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Clad in green berets and multi-colored, patchwork vests, Girl Scout Troop 1524 laid siege to a colonial-style home belonging to local man Ted Smith, who had reportedly failed to pay for his order of four dozen Caramel deLites® cookies.

As of the latest report, officials have ample reason to believe that Smith ordered the Caramel deLites after mistaking them for the well-loved Samoas®, a mistake that Smith’s noticeably pudgy next-door neighbor, Scott Perkins, has publicly criticized, saying, “To anyone with even a remotely refined palette, it would be immediately clear that there is a subtle, yet obvious taste differential that exists between Samoas and Caramel deLites…rookie mistake.” It was after realizing that he hadn’t actually ordered Samoas® that Smith refused to pay the group of darling little girls demanding immediate remuneration at his doorstep.

Tonight’s events come in the wake of a proposed change that aims to re-center the Girl Scouts foundation around its original message of non-violence. The new initiative, according to CEO Anna Maria Chavez, would hopefully put a stop to the increasing number of aggressively inclined little girls who have been joining the Girl Scouts in droves as of late. “I became a Girl Scout because they told me I would have the power to change the world. Next stop: world domination,” said new recruit Harriet Lester while a slow, insidious smile spread across her cherubic face.

“The Girl Scouts’ mission is to make the world a better place,” said Chavez, who was readily available for comment. “We instill only the four most important—no most critical—skills in our girls and those are people skills, business ethics, money management, and decision making. I think what happened here tonight is a shining example of the impact that our girls can have on their communities if they only set their minds to it.”

At press time, a Girl Scout by the name of Little Bettina Watson was overheard saying: “This will surely bring me closer to that trailblazing badge I’ve been wanting for so long!”

© 2016