and entering

Harvard Pit Scene of Latest Battle in Logan Leslie’s “War on Homeless”

Above: Campaign manager Natasha Fields, a junior in Kirkland House, is concentrating in Government with a secondary in ass-kicking.

It was a bloody scene in the Harvard Square Pit this morning, as Cambridge City Council candidate Logan Leslie put forth a last-ditch campaign effort in his war on the homeless.

  “No, no, no” began Leslie, “it’s not a war on homelessness. I’ve had enough of that namby-pamby bureaucratic shit. What we need now is action.”

 Wiping the blood from his chin with one of the many copies of the Spare Change Newspaper now scattered about The Square, Leslie recounted his battle plan.

 “We mostly engaged in light skirmishes- the homeless tend to utilize hit-and-run tactics due to lack of arms. Lucky for us, their retreat to the Harvard Square Homeless Shelter failed because they simply could not all fit. Lack of adequate funding helps us again,” said a grinning Leslie, emptying the coins from various coffee cups into his “campaign chest” spoils satchel.

 With the election forthcoming, Leslie has been continually crafting his battle plan, which he has hinted may grow to incorporate tanks, drones, and the USS Ronald Reagan aircraft carrier. Though hesitant to increase taxes, Leslie believes these weapons will be a solid investment in defeating the blight of Cambridge’s otherwise entirely wholesome image.

© 2013