and entering

Area Man Pretends He Did Not Intend To Pour That Much Syrup

Syrup-soaked sausages

Des Moines, IA– On a business trip from Green Bay, businessman Erik Benson feigned alarm when, for the second morning, he totally accidentally drowned his entire plate in maple syrup in line at the complimentary continental buffet.

“Holy moly, that came out really fast,” Benson warned no one in particular. Hurrying through the rest of the buffet, Benson proceeded to the company dining area, where he subtly adjusted his pant seam before sitting down.

“He did the same thing yesterday,” said cubicle mate Jeanette Stone, who Benson hadn’t realized was standing behind him in line. “It’s pretty viscous,” she adds. “There’s almost no way that could have been an accident.”

Hyper conscious of his syrup-soaked sausages, Benson deliberately placed his plate behind the decorative table plant. But when his cubicle mate sat down next to him, Benson felt obliged to call attention to his meal. “Oh boy, I didn’t do myself any favors this morning” he forcibly chuckled to his associate, gesturing to his now disintegrating pancakes. Preoccupied with trying to get the pancake to stay on his fork, Benson failed to notice the shifty eye contact between his cowokers.

At press time, after our informing Benson about the Marriott’s healthy plate initiative, Benson repeatedly expressed that he was definitely thrilled about the hotel chain replacing maple syrup with agave nectar.


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