SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Not to Accuse You of Anything, But Are You Cheating on Me?

Code with a question mark
And please don't tell me I'm being irrational, because I know what I sensed you input the other day.

By Your CS50 Pset

Hey babe! This week has been crazy fun hasn’t it? We’ve only known each other for a few days, but we’ve hung out all night every night lately, and I couldn’t be happier. I feel like I’ve gotten so much one-on-one time with you. You've been so focused on me, it makes me the happiest pset in the universe! But lately I feel like I’ve caught your eye wandering. I’ve seen you peer over your shoulder at those slimmer, more streamlined Macbook Air computer screens. I don’t want to accuse you of anything babe, but I need to tell you what has been bothering me for days: I’m worried you’re cheating on me.

Look, I’m sure I’m just overreacting. You’ve definitely been acting a little strange lately, but I know it’s because you’ve been stressed out. Your stack has been overflowing like crazy! But at the same time I can’t ignore that I’ve noticed you using copy/paste suspiciously often. And I don’t mean to eavesdrop, but I’ve heard you say “Don’t worry I’ll change it a little” and “haha just don’t tell Malan” under your breath to some of your friends. It might just be my imagination, but I can’t shake the feeling you are being dishonest. Please, I just can’t bear the thought of you copulating someone else’s code. It would break my heart.

I’d like to reiterate that I would never accuse you of cheating if I didn't have any proof. And if I did, I would at least wait until the semester is over before I brought it up. But please, some things just seem too suspicious for me to ignore. I see you spread your JPEGs whenever a cute TF walks by. Just this morning I felt you copy/paste lines of code directly into main(), without even retyping it! I hope this is all a misunderstanding. I can’t edit/undo what you’ve done in the past, but going forward we can work on maintaining our academic integrity.

I get it: monogamy is difficult. I’m not saying we don’t have some glitches to work out. But I am saying that if you give it a try, I won’t disappoint you. If you become as committed to this non-collaborative policy as I am, we could make it work. So what do you say– hey, are you looking at that other person's pset? I can't believe you!


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