Dude, I remember when it was me and the reindeer going out every night to the bars, just living it up, crushing brews, and talking to chicks. We were a band of brothers man, and nobody told us what to do.

But that all changed when they met Santa. Fuckin typical. I mean, it started slowly – a couple nights pulling the sleigh here and there instead of hanging with the boys. And like, I can understand that I guess. But, of course, soon a few nights turned into all of them, and before I knew what was happening, all nine of them were harnessed up like a gaggle of bitch ass workshop elves. And there's nothing wrong with being a bottom, but they don't have to trot around and let him whip them every. single. night.

Now, believe me, I think love is awesome. But there are just certain lines you don’t cross, you know? Like my boy Rudolph. He used to be a total stud, and then two weeks with Santa and all of a sudden he’s wearing a red nose in goddamn public just because Santa thought it looked “cute.” It’s honestly just embarrassing. Same for the OG homies Spencer and Big Rob who started going by Dancer and Prancer after Santa told them the names had a nice ring to them. The whole lot should have their man cards revoked, am I right?